failure

This weekend was the weekend I didn’t know I needed. This weekend was the weekend that I received so much unsolicited advice that really inspired me to be the kind of person I want to be. That made me more self-aware.

I first realized and admitted that I was wrong about something. And that’s a surprisingly powerful feeling.

After that, I talked with one of my bosses and was told that I should share more ideas. My boss said, “I wouldn’t be talking to you right now if I didn’t think you had ideas worth hearing.” Those words really changed something within me. For the past few weeks especially, I’ve been afraid to share my ideas out of fear of looking stupid or unimpressive. But people want to hear my ideas, even if they don’t necessarily like them. Ideas build real, tangible things. But they don’t build anything if I simply keep them to myself.

I needed a break. But I also needed people to challenge me to do better and open my eyes and explore because recently, I’ve fallen into the same routine. I’ve become afraid when I used to feel so sure. I walked into my first meeting with confidence and I vocalized my ideas and I don’t know what happened to that. But I’m bringing it back.

I don’t want routine. I don’t want strict schedules. I want to write stories that matter. I want to impact people. I want to be aware of the world around me.

In the past few weeks, I got so caught up in other things that I distanced myself from who I am.

I am reserved. I am quiet. But I am also full of ideas and words and stories and passions that could exist in the real world if only I spoke up.

I’ve said it again and again that I don’t want fear to silence me.

But fear still wins sometimes.

It still stops me from telling people how I feel and sharing ideas that I love and talking to new people.

I could tell you that I’m not afraid. But I am.

Fear should excite me rather than scare me. Fear should help me chase my dreams, not run away from them. Because when fear chases me away, I’m only running towards what I was afraid of all along: failure.

Messing up is not failure.

Failure is messing up and not taking accountability and learning from it. Failure is giving up. Failure is not even giving it a try to begin with. Failure is letting “what if” make its way into my vocabulary, weaving itself into sentences that could be better stories.

Stories that matter. Stories that are built out of ideas. Stories that are built from failing and learning and trying again. Stories that are worth hearing.

Paige

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